Another year, 2007 is almost gone and here we are moving foward to a new year full opf adventure, 07 was a goOd year, it had a few of setbacks but then again that is part of life. I met new interesting people and even made new friends, to all of uUu @ aol I wish uUu a wonderful holiday and a safe one also a lot of sucess in the new coming year uUu guys are the best. Without uUu a lot of people would be boared, uUu give all of us comunication with the world, thank uUu if I misspelled anywords sorry via sidekick. GoOd night until next time..

Its been a while

It sure has been long, well since the last entry, there has been a lot of changes, I have finally faced the children's father "aka" my abuser, I am no longer afraid of him and he has realized that in the end the good one's always win the battle, I have won, I am Free, its over the nightmare has ended, since my last entry like I mentioned in the start there has been so many different emotions i have recovered from all anxiety, I have no more drama and the kids oh my, the kids, they are so happy, I am still working on my story is just that I have been so busy working in the reconstruction of my new and improve life.

So I decided to take some time off but I have just began to write about all the excitement I am experiencing well until next time, be good to each other and to all around you.

moving on

Dear Journal:

Is been a while since my last entry, I know that no one reads this journal, as I mention before I am still working on my autobiography and I am hoping for this story to help people all around the world, I am a survivor and I am still trying to survive I am meeting new people and feel a lot better than i did in the past journals, is there still fear in my heart? the answer is sometimes, and i will explain; it is true I am free from my abuser but the scars the internal scars are still open, I can't take the pain that I hold in my heart and I am trying really hard not to feel like this but it is hard. I can tell you this the kids are happy and that is enough for me right about now, I do want to move on with my life, the only problem is that he is still out there and i am afraid that one day I find my self face to face with him again, and then maybe I will know how strong I have become, I feel that I am but I will never know really if I am just afraid because of the old memories and because he has not been around, what will happen if we stand in front of each other, i do know this I am not going to allow him to put his hands on me ever again.  until next time I am still praying for full freedom.

It has been a while since I wrote anything in my journal, I am going through so much right now and have been offered an opportunity to write my autobiography I am hoping that while I am in the process of putting my life on paper that it helps people all around the world and educates them about " Domestic Violence" I have experience so much and seen so much and will like the whole world to know how it all began, So many years, days and nights living in fear. No one deserves to live like that, this story also includes my children whom lived the nightmare as well with me and how they save me.. Dear Aol journals, I welcome all comments, and can answer any questions anyone have about surviving an abusive relationship, anyone who is looking for advise I will be glad to help, remember no one deserve's to be abused, not mentally, physically or verbally. My Emai address is MJanet207@aol.com

what next

Just when I believe that nothing else would happen to me guess what! I get into a car accident like if I need it some more action in my life, over the weekend my kids and I got in the car ready to go grocery shopping we decided to go some where to eat dinner first and changed our route, we stop for a red light and there were 2 cars in front of us abiously we need to wait for the light to change, from a distance we hear the screeching sounds of a car, but we were never imagined that we was going to be the one's to get hit, this car was speeding so fast that was unable to stop and ended up crashing into us from the rear, my daughter suffered back injuries and my son made it out fine, his seatbelt was on tight so he didn't move, I suffered neck and back injuries my knee and shoulders as well, our car got hit so hard that the fire dept had to forced the back doors open to get my kids out of the car, I was so scared for my kids and I was not even able to see them I was able to hear my daughter screeming from the pain and my son crying and calling my name, he kept on saying mommy wake up, I dont recall much from that night nor even got to see the face of the driver who hit us, I regain strength and came back, when I was at the hospital, here I am sitting in front of the computer and wearing a lovely thick huge neckless, lol, neck brace of course, I need to have a sence of humor because it could of have been worse, I know that God was there with us and that is why I sit here today the rest will have to wait until the next time.. I can sit here to long my head is spinning and my eyes are really tired, I know that no one reads this journal but it feels good to be able to write it sort of feels like I am having a conversation with someone. until next time

and the nightmare continues

I have not written in a while I have been busy trying to get my life to normal, I have been praying for the nightmare to end but instead it just keeps getting worse, I feel that the blogs that I am writting are not the kind people like to read about, perhaps it is because is about my true life story and it has no exitment for anyone, but in fact there are stories like this in the newspapers and that people do read about, that is if the person they talk about is dead or seriously hurt, is that the kind of stories people like, well I dont I lived a nightmare for 14 years and I am still trying to wake up, my story is a real story a true story that I am sharing with you, because I am seeking for help and maybe a solution to the end of this, I have two lovely kids whom I love deeply and I am attempting to survive and if that is not enough then what is. I have been making an efford to get a new lawyer because the one I had was ordered by the judge to get off the case, I begin again fighting to stop the visits that have been ordered for my kids to see their father, those visits affected them before and now it will be worse, I didn't mention that my daughter tried to kill her self when she found out that she had to see her father, how scare she is of him and she had to be admited to a mental institution because of it, after that I worked really hard with the doctors to help my little girl understand that I will take care of her and that I will never let him hurt her, her brother or even me anymore that it would be over, she was finally released and had been doing so good, and again the nightmare repeats itself only this time she does not yet know that visits are going to begin again, I am afraid to tell her because she has been doing so good I dont want for her to go backwards instead of forward, how do I explain to her that I was not able to make the judge hear my pleads, how do I explain to her that there is nothing I can do and that the judge has told me that if they miss one visit that a warrant for my arrest would be issued, that I can not even take them out of the state because if I do I would go to jail, how do I explain to my kids that after all the abuse that we have experienced the courts have forgotten who the victim was and that now I have to submit them to this nightmare once again, can someone tell me how is it if I was getting beat up almost everyday for no good reason at all, and was not able to have friends of any kind, and my kids had toexperienced having to see their father beat me and there was nothing that they could do to help me, and everytime my daughter tried to help she would get beat up and was told to stay out of it or else, my daughter believed that she need it to use her self as a shield to protect me, and got hurt most of the time, Why am I being punished for trying to protect them, I left their father because I could not continue to submit them to that nightmare and because I gave up, if I didnt leave he would of killed me, he had come close to it, who is the victim? in the end the kids become the victims because they have to continue to see the man they onece called dad, the man that used to beat their mother up almost everyday, and send them to their room while I screamed for help, just because he does not live with us or knows where we are does not mean that he can't still hurt us, he is still hurting us  mentally he is still here, It does not make any sence at all, to have to go backwards instead of forward.

We only want to go on with our lifes and not have to look over our shoulders everytime we go out we dont want to have to stay put in the same place for the rest of our lives, we want to be able to go outside the borough we live in, to be able to walk free by the looks of it it's never going to happen, please help us, there has to be someone out there who can tell me what I need to do, I am lost without been lost..

Dear Aol Journal
I am writing to you because I have been trying to make sence of what is going on in my life, I am trapped so trapped that I have no idea what else to do to go on I love my kids they are the light of my life and without them I would be lost, I will like to think that I have a chance in life to be happy but I am confused and restless I wrote my autobiography and only a few people has read it and I felt that if I wrote this journal maybe people will help me get back in track, and there is hope
My question is: is there hope for me to be happy again or am I the only one that has survived from an abusive marriage, and is trying to make it out here, my children deserve to be happy and without any kind of worries, and I feel that as long as that man is out there we will always have to look over our shoulders, that is not the life we want to live.